Sometimes I wonder

If I’m filling my life with adventures

Just so that I can later write letters

To my Canadian friend Karin.

I think I might need an audience

More than real companions.

They would hold me to my word

Make me face the truth,

All of it,

Not just the shiny

Or ridiculously funny

Parts.

So far loneliness

Has worked

For me,

I panic less

I entertain myself

I fabricate glorious futures.

But not for long.

Eventually

All I crave

Is intimacy

And only a rare breed

Will do,

A fearless warrior.

I am a princess,

After all.